Conflict Of Interest - Chapter Twenty One

I'm bord, and the guys are no fun right now. Alex is watching tv, and Chris is reading. I walk across the room so I can do my own thing. I turn on the radio and start to dance. 

For the first time in a long time, I'm having fun. Alex gets up off the couch and joins me. We dance to a few songs, and to my surprise, Alex can dance. 

As we dance, I find myself having fun, but the feeling of guilt creeps up on me. I shrug off the emotions the best I can, so my good mood won't get ruined. When the song ends, I step back from Alex, thanking him for dancing with me. "It was my pleasure, anytime you want to dance or hang out, just ask," Alex tells me. As I head out of the room, I think about how Chris was being a sour sport, but Alex was a lot of fun. Maybe I can get them both to dance next time. 

I head to the laundry room to do some laundry. I load the clothes into the washer, then finish filling the washing machine. After I close the lid and turn around, I see Alex standing there watching me with a grin. "You startled me," I say. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you," he says as he starts walking toward me.

When he gets close to me, he grabs my arm and gently pulls me toward the doorway. "Alex, what's wrong?" I ask as I follow him. He takes me by surprise as he pins me to the wall. I'm so freaked out by this point that I can't figure out what to do or what to say.

"Emily, you have me under a spell," Alex says as he holds me into place. I put my hand on his shoulder to push him off but decide against it by the look he's giving me. "I don't have anyone under my spell. I think you confused," I say. 

"Emily, ever since you walked into my life, I can't get you out of my head," he says. "Alex, please let got of me; this is not a good idea," I plead with him.

Alex lets go of my arm but moves closer to me. He's about to kiss me when I push against his chest with everything I have. Alex stops before he kisses me. He finally lets me go, and I march out of the room. 

I find myself standing in the middle of the living room, brooding. My mind is racing as my anger is getting the better of me. What the heck was he thinking? 

Alex joins me after a few moments. He cautiously walks over to me, coming to a halt in front of me. I can now see that he's hurt. To my surprise again, he wraps his arms around my waist and gently pulls me to him. 

"Alex, what are you up to?" I ask. "I'm sorry," he says.

I'm speechless. Oh, this is bad, really bad. I'm no longer mad but confused and filled with panic. I put my hand against his chest to keep him from making any moves to kiss me. 

"Emily, why won't you date me. I can give you the world. I have never met anyone like you," he says as he holds me.

"You don't understand, Alex. I just can't see you in that way. I don't want to love anyone ever again. I just can't open myself up to it. It's just too painful," I choke out. I know deep down he's disappointed, and I know he's probably hurt by my response, but I can no longer pretend. 

He's quiet for a moment as he looks away. "I didn't think of it that way. I was hoping that in time you would come around and maybe give me a chance to make you happy," he says as he pulls me upright then lets me go. 

I'm shocked. I don't know what to say to that. After what seems like an eternity, I manage to find my words.

"I wish I could, but I'm a broken soul. I will never be the same. I deserve no one. Alex, you deserve someone that can love you back. I can't give that to you. The last thing I want is to hurt you. If I said yes, I would do just that," I tell him. He frowns as he takes in my response.

He steps close to me, taking my face into his hands. He brings me close but only to whisper. "Emily, you deserve someone, I know that in time you might love me once your heart heals. I know right now you can't, but one day you may," he says. "I won't trust me, I know this to be true," I reply. I pull away from him as I try to regain myself. I leave him standing there in the living room with a sad expression on his face. 

I can't think of anything else to tell him. I'm at a lost for words for the hundredth time. As I make my way out of the room, I find myself in the kitchen. I slump against the wall as I now feel drained. I close my eyes as I start to relax. I hear Alex talking to Chris.

 "What can I do to win Emily over?" Alex asks. Are you kidding me, advice from Chris, I don't want to be won over. "Alex, dude!" Chris huffs.

Alex is quiet for a moment. "Oh, I see, I get it now," he says. What does he get, and what did Chris tell him. I didn't hear him say anything. Did I miss something? Oh, the questions run through my mind. What are those two up to?