Confessions of the Heart - Chapter Thirty Two

She walks in and finds me crumbled on the floor sobbing. "I don't want to hurt your feelings, it's just you will have to talk to him about his personal business. I don't get into his affairs. I just do what I'm told to do, she tells me. I cry even harder as my mind runs wild. Jen leans down, placing a hand on my shoulder. It will be alright, just talk to him," she says as she tries to reassure me. 

I try to pull myself together as I get up off the floor. "Here is where you can take a bath. I will need to go the supplies to get your hair to your natural color. I will be back as soon as possible. "I am sorry," she mumbles as she leaves me in the bathroom alone. 

Sinking down into the hot bath, I get lost in my thoughts. Dimitri keeps flashing in my memory as the pain laces through me each time I see those red eyes. I wonder what Chris is doing, and if he's ok. I should have listened to him, I'm such an idiot. I will never forgive myself if anything happens to him. 

I finish bathing and get dressed when I hear my name. "Emily," Jen calls. "I'm in the bathroom," I call out to her. She comes in with some items in a bag. Ok, let's get started. First, we need to get your hair dyed. I know you probably love the purple but remember, I'm only doing what I'm told," she says as she pulls the items out. 

She lays out new clothes that I'm to wear. I feel like someone dressing me up like a doll. After getting dressed, I step back in front of the mirror to see my old self staring back at me. I hate it. It brings back so many sad and scary memories. 

"You look amazing," Jen says with excitement. "I don't feel amazing," I mumble quietly. I just want all this over. Why in the world would he go to this much trouble if he's going to kill me? It's just drawing out my agony, I think to myself.  

"Please give him a chance. I have been with him since he came here after being turned. I know how he feels about you. He talks in his sleep," she says. 

My heart sinks. He talks in his sleep? I can't wrap my mind around it. He sleeps with her. She's his.................. Oh no. She's talking to me, but I can no longer listen to her. I'm just numb at this point, and she's asking me to give him a chance. She's done been brainwashed. What have they done to this poor girl? "I have to go, for now, I will meet up with you later," she says as she leaves me in the room, standing there speechless.  

It's getting late and no sign of Dimitri, Jen or anyone else. It's so quiet, it's eerie. I have only been provided with this one outfit. I'm getting tired no matter how much I want to stay up. So I take off the dress leaving me in my underwear. I go over and sit down in front of the fireplace. I'm lost in my thoughts again. My life was torn upside down for the millionth time and with no happiness in sight. Would this be my life? The constant drama, the life-threatening events, and oh, let's not forget everyone dying or becoming a damn Nightwalker.

I'm beyond tired, so I head over to the bed. I climb in, taking comfort in the covers. I toss and turn in fear of one of them coming in while I'm asleep to attack me. Every noise has me jumping.

After several hours I must have given in and fallen asleep. The sound of a door jars me awake. My body protests as I sit up to see Dimitri walking over to me. I gasp for air as it leaves my lungs.

I jump out of bed as he reaches me. He stands in front of me. He lifts his hand to my face, which makes me jump. He strokes my cheek with his cold fingers. His face gives nothing away. Get dressed," he says. That's when I'm fully aware that I'm standing in my underwear. I scurry in the bathroom, where I find an outfit set out. I pull on a pair of jeans with a pink top. 

When I come out of the bathroom, I find Dimitri sitting by the fireplace. He sits there, not moving, not saying a word. He's so quiet that it unnerves me. I can't take the silence that is lingering between us. "Why are you doing this to me?" I ask. He stays quiet as the time passes by in silence. "You're not telling me something," he says, never making eye contact with me. My heart sinks. Oh no, he knows about Chris and me and the baby. How did he find out? How am I going to tell him without hurting him? Knowing he's a nightwalker, I still feel the guilt run all over me.

I sink to the floor at his feet. I can't even look at him. In a small voice, "I was pregnant, but lost the baby not too long ago." 

All of a sudden, Dimitri sits up and begins to stroke my cheek. "You were pregnant!" he says with a hint of hurt in his voice. "Yes, I was but............" I trail off. "It's ok, things happen. Why would I be mad at you for that?" he asks. 

This is it. I got to tell him. I................Me and............Chris well........," I stutter. "Emily tell me," he demands. "Me and Chris were together." I finally choke out as the tears start to run down my face.

Dimitri drops his hand and sets back into his chair. "Did you love him? Did you sleep with him? Was he the father?" he says with anger that I have not heard before. It's laced with venom that turns my stomach. "You were the father, I don't know if I love Chris. I think I did, or still do. I'm so confused.  This is too much. You were........, are still dead." I say. "Did you sleep with him?" he asks with ice laced in his voice.

"Yes," I whisper. His face grows cold and hard. "Unfortunate thing. I actually liked Chris." he sighs. "What's that mean?" I ask. "Nothing to concern yourself with," he replies.

"Don't you hurt Chris," I shout at him. He raises up, tower over me. He's hurt and angry. "Chris is innocent, you leave him out of this, promise me," I beg.

He says nothing. He runs his fingertips across his chin as he appears to be waging an inner battle.

"Please, don't hurt him. He.............."Dimitri looks away. "Stop Emily, I will not promise you anything," he says as he cuts me off. I'll meet up with you later. Get yourself cleaned up," he says as he leaves me standing alone in the room. Oh no, what have I done, what's he going to do?